Working a 9-5 Through the Eyes of Someone Battling Mental Illness

Back in December, I was let go from my job for taking too much time off due to poor mental health. I wish I could say those days off were restorative and peaceful. They were actually quite difficult, debilitating, and depressing. I was constantly anxious because I knew my bosses weren’t happy with me. I also felt like a failure because I couldn’t keep up with my coworkers.

The job I had took a lot of brain power, as I was analyzing data and writing reports all day. That means there really wasn’t space to have “bad” days–especially not as many that come with having borderline personality disorder–because you’ll slow down productivity. I constantly felt pressure from my bosses to get more reports done in a day, but my brain wasn’t able to keep up. I over-analyzed and agonized over every sentence I wrote. Was there a good flow? Did I present the results in a way that helped the customer understand them? Will my bosses agree with how I analyzed the results? And so on.

I also struggled with the 9-5 schedule. Working 8 hours a day is hard, especially when you struggle mentally. I’m grateful I was able to take breaks throughout the day, but that didn’t really ease the burden of having to give most of my time to this job. I’m not saying a 9-5 is bad for people who have mental illness—some people thrive off that structure and security. I want to stress that just because you can’t fit into that mold doesn’t mean you’re defective, stupid, inadequate, or less than. Your brain just operates differently and has different needs to function well.

I also struggled with navigating my relationships (or lack thereof) with my coworkers.

I’ve always struggled with maintaining boundaries, which is a pretty common find with people with mental illness (especially borderline personality disorder). I found myself oversharing details about my life with people I didn’t know that long. I’m always so hard on myself for doing that, but my intention is almost always to try and relate to people in the ways I know how. I also strive to be an incredibly honest person, so I use that to justify the details I share.

Now, I’m not saying you should beat yourself up for oversharing. Nor am I saying to stop sharing altogether. I think there’s a balance and boundaries that need to be set with every relationship you have. The things you’ve experienced/endured are sensitive events that, I think, should be shared with the right people at the right time.

But how do we discern who and when that is?

I think it varies from person to person. I may find peace in sharing a specific detail with one person that I don’t feel safe sharing with another. This is something I’ve been working on for years, especially since being diagnosed with BPD. I have to consciously and consistently make an effort to protect myself and my story, and I think that applies to everyone on this planet.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned over the last year is that I’m worthy of setting my own boundaries. That doesn’t make me stuck up or better than anyone else. It just means I have protective barriers to guard my heart and mind. You’re worthy of the same! Sure, people may push back on those boundaries or question why you have them, but that just provides a beautiful opportunity to share why they have been put in place. But remember–it’s okay if you don’t want to share those details. Guarding your heart and mind is one of the best things you can do for yourself. That’s mentioned in the Bible as well: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). Allow God to lead you–He’ll tell you when/if it’s time to share the things you’ve been protecting.

And remember: you don’t have to set boundaries between you and the Father. You have unlimited access to Him, so why shouldn’t we do the same? I mean, He already knows every thought in our heads, so why not invite him into those areas? He will always be waiting for you and your thoughts/experiences. He wants to hear what’s on your heart and mind. He wants to teach you so many things–even how to set healthy boundaries–because you are worthy.